I know you are probably wondering why I haven't posted in a week. So here goes...
In my last post I alluded to my daughter's health issues. It has been a long week filled with blood work, dr visits, and answers that brought on more questions. Why was she losing so much weight? Was it her thyroid going crazy like mine? Some other medical reason? We both knew what the answer would probably be. And we were right. She is severely anemic and malnourished. She has "disordered eating".
Why on earth would I put this out there publicly? Because after talking about it we both agreed that it shouldn't be a taboo subject. Because lots of teenage girls (and even boys) use food to cope with stress or body image issues. Our pediatrician referred us to a wonderful place called the Transformation Center for intensive outpatient therapy. We had an appointment on Friday but they did not think K would be a good candidate for the program. It is 9 hours a week of group and individual therapy and nutrition that deals mostly with body image issues. That's not where her problems stem from. The doctor said the disordered eating is a secondary issue with anxiety being the primary. She said half the program they offer would help but the other half really wouldn't so she would prefer we go for help elsewhere.
By the time we got out of there Friday afternoon it was too late to call the insurance company or any other doctor's offices. We had to muddle through the weekend and it was a rough one. K is still not eating well and her body is weak. It is difficult for her to stand for longer than a few minutes at a time and she is exhausted. I am appropriately worried and anxious for my daughter. Yes I have questioned how I didn't see this... how it got so bad without us realizing it. That's not going to help her get better though so I've had my moment and now I'm in Mama Lion mode. I haven't slept well in a week and I haven't been taking care of my dietary needs or exercise but right now she has to come first. I'm trying to make smart choices but I don't have the time or energy to be gung ho about it right now.
The good news is she WANTS to get better. There are several sources of stress and anxiety that are causing her to not want to eat. Thanks to the doctor we saw Friday, I am armed with the names and numbers of a good therapist and nutritionist that I will contact today. Don's EAP (Employee Assistance Program) will be very helpful with the therapy costs which is a huge relief. I visited with the school counselor on Friday (she hasn't been to school since last Tuesday) and she emailed all of K's teachers to let them know what was going on. The one teacher we thought might be a problem is actually the one who has been the most compassionate and supportive. It is painful for me to watch her try to eat and not get much down but we have hope now that she will get the right treatment. Its not going to happen overnight. We realize it will be a long road. We are working on taking one moment at a time. Prayers and well wishes are all welcome. We need all the support we can get. She really wanted to try and go back to school today but has been running fever so we will try again tomorrow.
The huge blessing that has come from all of this is that ever since last Monday, I feel like I have my daughter back. She still has her irritable moments but for the most part she has been very open, honest, and loving. She has been strong and spunky (in attitude if not physically) and even has her faith back. She knows she has all of our support and I will do everything I can to make sure she keeps feeling that circle of love around her. I wish this hadn't happened of course but we are holding on to each other and working through it together.
I've always like the Serenity Prayer but right now it has more meaning than ever... we all know the first part but did you know there is another verse?
God grant me the
serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day
at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.
One moment at a time. Keep Going Kid, Keep going. I'll be right here.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
No Witty Title... just Real Life
What I did wrong today...
I called into work, took my daughter to the doctor and found out she is 20 lbs lighter than she was. She's the one that doesn't have 20 lbs to lose. I knew something was wrong but I had no idea how wrong. I knew she was being picky about food but had no idea her body was withering away. I knew she was irritable but had no idea it was because she needed nourishment.
We are headed to the lab on Wednesday for bloodwork to rule out thyroid issues or some other underlying medical issue. She and I both know though this is bigger than that. She and I both know her aversion to food is an unhealthy reaction to stress... school stress, general life stress, and probably some stuff neither one of us understands right now. We trust the doctors to give us the right direction and guidance from here pending the bloodwork.
What I will do right tomorrow and every day after.....
- I skipped the gym
- I didn't eat breakfast
- I had spaghetti at 9pm
I called into work, took my daughter to the doctor and found out she is 20 lbs lighter than she was. She's the one that doesn't have 20 lbs to lose. I knew something was wrong but I had no idea how wrong. I knew she was being picky about food but had no idea her body was withering away. I knew she was irritable but had no idea it was because she needed nourishment.
We are headed to the lab on Wednesday for bloodwork to rule out thyroid issues or some other underlying medical issue. She and I both know though this is bigger than that. She and I both know her aversion to food is an unhealthy reaction to stress... school stress, general life stress, and probably some stuff neither one of us understands right now. We trust the doctors to give us the right direction and guidance from here pending the bloodwork.
What I will do right tomorrow and every day after.....
- I will continue to strive for healthy eating, exercising, and body image. I will not make negative comments about my own body or anyone else’s.
- I will give her support and compassion
- I will not be the "food police" ... ultimately this isn't about food
- Help her learn healthy ways to deal with stress and anxiety
- Love her more than she will ever understand until she has children of her own.
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Lean on Me
Its been a week since my diagnosis.... ok, nine days. Today at church the sermon was on confession and how we need to confess to one another in order to be held accountable, to get support, and to see that all of us mess up. Yes, ALL of us.
Here's what I've done right this week.
My biggest struggle right now is figuring out what to eat. When I try to eat healthy I don't eat enough. When you don't eat enough your body thinks its starving so it hangs on to the fat for survival. A friend of mine recommended I use the MyFitnessPal app. I'm going to try it this week and see if I can figure out how much I need to eat every day and then worry about WHAT I eat. I get obsessed with not eating carbs. I know your body needs carbs. I just have to figure out the balance.
Don and I went to the gym this afternoon and after about 10 minutes of listening to CNN say in 20 different ways that no one knows where the poor Malaysian airplane is, I flipped on my iPod and listened to music. Lean on Me played in the last five minutes of our workout. It made me think about a friend who came up to me after church today and told me she was following this blog to hopefully gain some encouragement in her own journey. It is so hard to take care of yourself without some sort of support system. I've tried and failed many many times. This time I feel it will be different because Don is by my side. He and I are doing this together. Its much easier to workout when someone is sweating just as much right next to you. Find a friend to take a walk with. Get someone to hold you accountable for your food choices. Encourage someone fighting the same battle. We are going to make mistakes. ALL of us. But let's lean on each other in the process. We weren't put here to be all alone. We are here to form relationships and strengthen each other.
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on
You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Here's what I've done right this week.
- Filled my Metformin prescription
- Ordered the grilled chicken nuggets and diet lemonade at ChickFilA
- Went to the gym four times and walked around the block most of the other days
- Ate breakfast most mornings
- Drank lots of water
- Didn't drink any soda (this is huge)
- Laid off carbs and had thin crust pizza when that was available.
- Started this blog
- Bought Cook This, Not That today at Kohl's ($5 as part of the Kohl's Cares for Kids program)
- Ate macaroni with no protien
- Had a Ding Dong (but just one!)
- Didn't exercise at the gym enough
- Ate spaghetti with no protein
- Didn't eat enough most days
- Didn't track my meals
- Didn't actually fill my Metformin prescription until Friday and didn't take my first pill until last night
- Didn't eat near enough veggies
- Had spaghetti... again
My biggest struggle right now is figuring out what to eat. When I try to eat healthy I don't eat enough. When you don't eat enough your body thinks its starving so it hangs on to the fat for survival. A friend of mine recommended I use the MyFitnessPal app. I'm going to try it this week and see if I can figure out how much I need to eat every day and then worry about WHAT I eat. I get obsessed with not eating carbs. I know your body needs carbs. I just have to figure out the balance.
Don and I went to the gym this afternoon and after about 10 minutes of listening to CNN say in 20 different ways that no one knows where the poor Malaysian airplane is, I flipped on my iPod and listened to music. Lean on Me played in the last five minutes of our workout. It made me think about a friend who came up to me after church today and told me she was following this blog to hopefully gain some encouragement in her own journey. It is so hard to take care of yourself without some sort of support system. I've tried and failed many many times. This time I feel it will be different because Don is by my side. He and I are doing this together. Its much easier to workout when someone is sweating just as much right next to you. Find a friend to take a walk with. Get someone to hold you accountable for your food choices. Encourage someone fighting the same battle. We are going to make mistakes. ALL of us. But let's lean on each other in the process. We weren't put here to be all alone. We are here to form relationships and strengthen each other.
Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on
You just call on me, brother, when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on
Thursday, April 3, 2014
My Name is Betsey and I Love Food
My name is Betsey and I have a love affair with food. Simple as that. I'm not a foodie really. I hate to cook. I like baking a little bit. Mostly I enjoy the eating part. I prefer someone else do the prepwork. I was a picky eater as a kid. My diet consisted of macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese, cheeseburgers, bologna and cheese sandwiches... see the trend here? I have become more adventurous as an
adult and have a much longer list of veggies I enjoy now besides just
peas and corn. OH and broccoli with yeah, you guessed it, cheese. It wasn't a coincidence that I married a man from Wisconsin!
I've always struggled with weight. I was "cute" in high school but certainly not one of those girls who could wear a bandanna as a belt! I gained and lost in my 20's and thanks to Gestational Diabetes when I was pregnant with Kayla, I ended up thinner after my pregnancy than before. Why is it so easy to eat right when it effects someone else but so hard when its just your life at stake? I always stayed within 160-180 lbs. That seemed to be ok. My clothes fit fine and I didn't have any health issues. Then I got pregnant again. Pregnancy agrees with me. I enjoyed wearing maternity clothes and not worrying about sucking in my tummy. But about 18 months after the baby came, my thyroid went a little crazy. I was diagnosed as Hyperthyroid in June of 2007. One of the symptoms was supposed to be rapid weight loss but I wasn't "lucky" enough to experience that one. I just had the crazy heart beat, mood swings, horrible anxiety, hair loss, skin rashes, and muscle weakness. I went on anti-thyroid meds for a year and then had radioactive iodine done to kill off my thyroid gland which made me Hypothyroid and basically killed my metabolism. I was 182 when I was diagnosed and I sit at 195 today. There it is in black and white... 195. Five pounds away from two hundred.
Last week I went to a new endocrinologist. I've been letting my GP check my thyroid levels but felt like I needed to get a specialist back into the mix. My parents both have Type II Diabetes and I knew it was a possibility that I may be diagnosed with the same at some point. First thing the nurse did was stick my finger to take my fasting blood sugar which was 113 (it should be below 100). The doc came in and asked all sorts of questions related to thyroid but also related to Diabetes. He said my blood sugar was definitely higher than he'd like and after a physical exam he diagnosed me Pre-Diabetic and also with PCOS or PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome. He gave me a prescription for Metformin and told me to diet and exercise and come see him in six months. (I got my bloodwork results in the mail yesterday and it turns out my thyroid numbers are actually high, not low. Doc doesn't want to change any meds right now though.)
I posted about this on Facebook and was overwhelmed by the support I got. I wanted to be held accountable for this new lifestyle change and I thought putting it all out there might help. A few friends suggested I blog about the journey so here I am. Please feel free to comment on any post and share with others as you see fit. As self centered as it might sound, I need your comments and encouragement!! Its the biggest motivator for me.
* The title of the blog is courtesy of my 9 year old. It goes along with my philosophy that diets don't work. The only changes that work are lifestyle changes and you have to take baby steps. Don't deprive yourself of the things you love or it will be so much easier to fall of the proverbial wagon.
I've always struggled with weight. I was "cute" in high school but certainly not one of those girls who could wear a bandanna as a belt! I gained and lost in my 20's and thanks to Gestational Diabetes when I was pregnant with Kayla, I ended up thinner after my pregnancy than before. Why is it so easy to eat right when it effects someone else but so hard when its just your life at stake? I always stayed within 160-180 lbs. That seemed to be ok. My clothes fit fine and I didn't have any health issues. Then I got pregnant again. Pregnancy agrees with me. I enjoyed wearing maternity clothes and not worrying about sucking in my tummy. But about 18 months after the baby came, my thyroid went a little crazy. I was diagnosed as Hyperthyroid in June of 2007. One of the symptoms was supposed to be rapid weight loss but I wasn't "lucky" enough to experience that one. I just had the crazy heart beat, mood swings, horrible anxiety, hair loss, skin rashes, and muscle weakness. I went on anti-thyroid meds for a year and then had radioactive iodine done to kill off my thyroid gland which made me Hypothyroid and basically killed my metabolism. I was 182 when I was diagnosed and I sit at 195 today. There it is in black and white... 195. Five pounds away from two hundred.
Last week I went to a new endocrinologist. I've been letting my GP check my thyroid levels but felt like I needed to get a specialist back into the mix. My parents both have Type II Diabetes and I knew it was a possibility that I may be diagnosed with the same at some point. First thing the nurse did was stick my finger to take my fasting blood sugar which was 113 (it should be below 100). The doc came in and asked all sorts of questions related to thyroid but also related to Diabetes. He said my blood sugar was definitely higher than he'd like and after a physical exam he diagnosed me Pre-Diabetic and also with PCOS or PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome. He gave me a prescription for Metformin and told me to diet and exercise and come see him in six months. (I got my bloodwork results in the mail yesterday and it turns out my thyroid numbers are actually high, not low. Doc doesn't want to change any meds right now though.)
I posted about this on Facebook and was overwhelmed by the support I got. I wanted to be held accountable for this new lifestyle change and I thought putting it all out there might help. A few friends suggested I blog about the journey so here I am. Please feel free to comment on any post and share with others as you see fit. As self centered as it might sound, I need your comments and encouragement!! Its the biggest motivator for me.
* The title of the blog is courtesy of my 9 year old. It goes along with my philosophy that diets don't work. The only changes that work are lifestyle changes and you have to take baby steps. Don't deprive yourself of the things you love or it will be so much easier to fall of the proverbial wagon.
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